I did try to clean up the formatting on the blog itself, but if it's more convenient, here is a PDF of my #BluthWalkOn entry: "Musical Entry".
“Musical Entry”
FADE IN.
INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
NARRATOR
V.O.
A California girl
was about to share some exciting news with her younger brother.
GIRL in mid 20s walks in, excitedly.
She wears a summery, cotton dress.
A teenage BOY, her brother, sits at the kitchen table with headphones on
in front of a computer. Papers and
textbooks are scattered about the table.
She joins him at the table, giddy.
GIRL
Guess what!
BOY
(not
looking up)
What?
GIRL
Arrested
Development! Netflix is bringing it
back! And they’re holding a contest for walk-ons!
BOY
What was that show
about, again? Was that the show about those
four old women in Miami?
GIRL
How can you not care
about this? I even wrote this amazing
song about the show!
NARRATOR
V.O.
Eh, the song was all
right.
BOY
You… wrote a song?
GIRL
After all, it was a
show that defined a generation.
GIRL rises slowly.
GIRL
It was a show that
left an indelible mark.
(now
singing, holds out note on “-corn”)
It was a show that gave us Barry Zuckercorn
/ It was a show… /
(winks
at camera, speaks the next line)
for the smart.
MUSIC starts up, a sprightly and sweeping Broadway-esque tune. Music plays in background unless otherwise
indicated. BOY removes one headphone and
looks around.
BOY
Who are you
singing to?
GIRL
(speaking
over background music)
Listen little
brother, you clearly have a lot of learning left to do. I should explain to you just why everyone
loves the Bluths. It’s part of the song
I entered earlier today, just before the contest ended.
GIRL picks up a flyer
lying on the table, a beach visible in the picture.
GIRL
(CONT’D)
But why should I
tell you when I can show you? And I know
just where to start!
BOY
Please don’t make me
–
GIRL drags BOY out of chair. He
follows grudgingly.
BOY
(CONT’D)
– get up. Didn’t that show get canceled after like two
episodes?
NARRATOR
V.O.
It was actually
three seasons.
GIRL
Well of course it
was canceled before its time. What do
you expect from a generation of people whose favorite show takes place in
Jersey?
BOY
(grinning)
I always thought the
short one on that show was hot.
GIRL
Her?
BOY
What?
GIRL
Nevermind. Those shows just turn your brain to a
swirling pile of mush.
(looks
at camera)
And that’s why you
don’t watch shows about vapid reality stars.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF HOUSE
GIRL and BOY go through the front door of the house, light streaming in
the frame.
GIRL
There’s a whole wide
world out there, full of reasons why everyone should love the Bluths.
BOY
Are you going to
sing again?
NARRATOR
V.O.
There was going to
be a lot of singing.
GIRL motions to door of car sitting in driveway.
GIRL
Get
in!
GIRL and BOY both get in the car and she pulls out of the driveway,
making her way through the neighborhood and city. She sings against the upbeat, Broadway-style
backdrop with the carefree abandon and the pleasant disregard of others that is
common to those in musical numbers.
GIRL
(singing slower,
holding out the words at the end of each line.)
Although their development has been arrested / Their mettle has still
been tested…
BOY raises eyebrows. Music is
fast again, bright and popping.
GIRL
(speaking)
How, you ask? Let’s start with Lucille.
BOY
A loose seal?
GIRL
No! Lucille!
Austero, that is. You know, Judy
Garland’s daughter?
BOY
I thought the
mom’s name was Lucille.
GIRL
That too. Maybe I should start at the beginning.
(singing brightly)
You’ve got George Senior and Lucille / And, spelled G-O-B / There’s magician brother GOB / Along with
Buster and Lindsay!
Lindsay
married Tobias Fünke
V.O.
(light,
breathy tone)
Mr. F.
GIRL
And they had daughter Maebe / Throw in Uncle Father Oscar / and it’s
one big pile of crazy!
BOY
Where are we
going?
GIRL
(ignoring him, singing slower)
At the center of it all / Though their
development has been stalled / Is Michael Bluth. / With son George Michael / He
keeps them all together…
NARRATOR
V.O.
Well, sort of.
GIRL
And
that’s the honest truth!
Oh, it’s all about the Bluths! / That’s right, everyone loves the
Bluths! Whether big or small / Everyone loves the Bluths!
BOY
Okay, so they have
a crazy family. Why should I care about
that?
GIRL
(speaking,
over the bouncing music)
Easy. Think of all the life lessons you can learn.
BOY
Life lessons?
GIRL
Ah, here we are.
EXT. FOOD & CRAFTS MARKET HELD ON A BEACH BOARDWALK
GIRL and BOY park, get out, and enter the beach area, MUSIC still
bright in the background. PEOPLE are
milling about, with food, craft, and arts tents lining the boardwalk. It’s a beautiful day and this adds an extra
spring in GIRL’s step.
NARRATOR
V.O.
They headed to the
boardwalk, where a food and crafts festival was underway.
GIRL
The boardwalk,
I’ll have you know, plays an important part in the story.
BOY
Great.
They pass a fresh fruits stand and GIRL is visibly delighted.
GIRL
(singing,
holding out the word “stand”)
Life lesson number one / Don’t sit and be
glum / There’s always money in the banana stand!
GIRL picks up a bunch of bananas.
BOY
(looking
around)
People are staring
at us. Put those back.
BOY reaches out for the bananas.
GIRL swats his hand away.
GIRL
(speaking)
No touching.
(resumes
singing, faster now)
And if you need some help / Just put your pride on the shelf / And
Buster will lend you a helping haaa –
(speaking)
I mean, hook.
BOY
What?
GIRL
(singing)
Oh it’s all about the Bluths! / That’s right, everyone loves the
Bluths! / Whether hand or a hook / Everyone loves the Bluths!
GIRL looks up and
notices something in the distance.
GIRL (CONT’D)
(speaking)
Come on, this way!
GIRL pulls BOY by arm along the boardwalk, stopping at an ARTIST’s
tent. Paintings are propped up on
display at the ARTIST is at work in the back of the tent. GIRL walks past all the paintings into the ARTIST’s
workspace, looking for something.
GIRL
(CONT’D)
Ah!
She picks up a bottle of blue paint, just as the ARTIST was reaching
for it. MUSIC still pops in the
background as GIRL opens the paint and spreads some on the back of her hand.
ARTIST
Hey! What are you
do –
GIRL
(holding
out the note on “shorts”)
Life lesson number two / It’s okay to be
blue / So pull up those cutoff jean shorts…
GIRL smiles broadly and
points to a MAN looking at a painting in the front of the tent. He has a fairly impressive mullet, with
above-the-knee cutoff jean shorts on. He scowls at her.
GIRL
( CONT’D)
And grab your
fellow cohorts / And join the band of the never-nudes.
GIRL whirls around, a big, flashy smile on her face. She puts the paint back and marches happily
toward the boardwalk. ARTIST looks up, his
expression reading “Are you serious?”
BOY picks up pace to keep up with GIRL.
BOY
Why would you
never be nude? How would you shower?
GIRL and BOY exit the boardwalk.
She hums and twirls through the parking lot to the car, her cotton dress
flowing as she spins. BOY ducks his head
down and avoids eye contact with OTHERS in the parking lot. They get in the car and she continues singing
while pulling out of the lot and on to the city road.
GIRL
(singing,
waving arms in the air)
Oh it’s all about the Bluths!
BOY
Could you at least
keep your hands on the steering wheel?
GIRL
That’s right, everyone loves the Bluths! / Whether red or blue / Everyone
loves the Bluths!
BOY
Look, that’s all
fine. But some blue paint and a bunch of
bananas doesn’t exactly help me figure out why this show is so great.
GIRL pauses for a moment, a look of deep concentration crossing her
face. Suddenly, she lights up.
GIRL
You know, you’re
absolutely right. You need to see the
real deal. Here’s what we’re going to
do.
BOY
No, I didn’t mean –
GIRL makes a sharp right-hand turn, cutting off several cars along the
way. Horns blare and the mouths of other
DRIVERS are blurred out and bleeped as they shout angrily at her.
BOY
(CONT’D)
– that.
GIRL
(speaking)
Now, there’s one
more place we must go!
BOY
Can’t wait.
NARRATOR
V.O.
He could.
EXT. CITY ROAD.
Suddenly, GIRL hears a siren behind her and abruptly stops
singing. MUSIC cuts off abruptly. A police car pulls in behind her, lights
flashing.
GIRL
(speaking)
Oh, come on!
GIRL slows down and pulls to the side of the road. BOY sighs audibly. She rolls down her window and an OFFICER
appears. He is paunchy, with sweat dripping from under his police cap, and he
whips out a notepad and pen. He speaks
slowly, with a penchant for occasionally but obnoxiously drawing out the vowels
in his words.
OFFICER
Ma’am, were you
aware that you were going 46 in a 40 miles per hour zone?
GIRL
Um, no, Officer, I
wasn’t. I’m so sorry.
OFFICER
I don’t suppose a
smart girl like you would have a reason for being such a lawbreaker, would you?
GIRL
I was just, um, singing
my entry for a competition Arrested Development and Netflix are doing, to ah,
get a walk-on role on an episode.
OFFICER
Arrested
Development?
GIRL
You know, with the Bluths
and George Michael –
OFFICER
(cutting
her off)
George Michael! Well now, I love me that George Michael
fella. His voice is just so smooth.
GIRL
Uh, yeah?
OFFICER
I mean, no bones
about it, that man can sing.
GIRL
(clearing
her throat)
Um…totally,
Officer. I have…all of his CDs.
NARRATOR
V.O.
She didn’t.
OFFICER
Well, ma’am,
considering that you have exceptional taste in songwriting, I’m going to let
you off with a warning. Just you be sure
to follow the laws of the land now, you hear?
GIRL
Yes, sir,
Officer. You bet, Officer.
OFFICER
All right then.
(humming
to himself as he walks away)
I’m never gonna prance
again, guilty meat have got no raisins….
TEXT of the NARRATOR’s V.O. flashes on bottom of screen as the NARRATOR
says it aloud.
NARRATOR
V.O.
The words and slight
melodic nuances of this song have been changed to avoid copyright infringement
laws.
GIRL watches OFFICER get into car and she then exhales, hands still on
the steering wheel, shaking her head.
GIRL
Whew. That was freebie. Now… where was I?
The MUSIC picks up again.
GIRL
(singing)
Oh right, everyone loves the Bluths!
BOY puts his head in his hands.
GIRL
(CONT’D)
Life lesson number three / Be careful what you see / Because some
things are for British eyes only.
V.O.
(light,
sing-song voice)
For British eyes
only!
GIRL
So avoid ideas half-baked /And
for goodness sakes / Stay away from Kitty.
BOY
Are we almost
done?
GIRL
Oh it’s all about the Bluths! / That’s right, everyone loves the Bluths!
/ Whether Brit or Iraqi / Everyone loves the Bluths!
(speaking)
Don’t worry; we’re almost there!
EXT. MOVIE STUDIO
GIRL’s car gets off of the road and pulls into parking lot. Large, square-shaped buildings loom in the
distance. A massive gate sits in the
middle, with two words lining the arch over the gate. The first word is blurred out but the last
word is visible – “STUDIO.” Large
posters line the outer walls, including a cast photo from the latest Arrested
Development season. The musical
refrain plays lightly in the background.
NARRATOR
V.O.
They soon arrived
at the back lot of a well-known movie studio.
BOY
(suspiciously)
Where
are we?
GIRL
(singing)
Maybe you thought / I was almost done with this song / Surely you’d
know / You’d be so very wrong.
(looks
at camera)
Get it?
They reach the front of the lot and GIRL drives up to the gate, smiling
at the GUARD inside a booth. GUARD looks
bored.
BOY
You’re not
seriously trying to get in here, are you?
GUARD
Ma’am, unless you
have clearance, you cannot go in there.
GIRL
We’re here for the
Arrested Development walk-ons!
GUARD notices the back of her hand, smeared with blue paint, and
sighs. He picks up a clipboard and flips
through some papers on it.
GUARD
Are you sure you’re
on the list? You look too young to have won a contest for walk-ons.
GIRL
(speaking)
Marry me!
GUARD
(smiling)
All right, come on
in!
BOY
(in
disbelief)
How did that work?
GIRL shrugs knowingly, drives through, and parks in a nearby lot. She gets out, still beaming, arms swinging in
the air as they make their way through the studio compound. Signs line the walls of each building on
either side of the street, displaying which sound stage is currently in use for
which show. BOY looks around nervously
as PEOPLE bustle about, transporting props and doing other such movie-like
things.
BOY
This is
weird.
NARRATOR
V.O.
It was very weird.
BOY
Can we go home
now?
MUSIC picks up in speed.
GIRL
(singing)
You’ve got Steve Holt and Mrs. Featherbottom / And dancing chickens - you gotta love ‘em! / They will surely cause
you thrills / Kissing cousins and Bob Loblaw / Model homes and blah blah blah /
And of course, Team-o-cil.
(looks at camera, speaking)
Teamocil
may cause numbness of the extremities, short term memory loss and may decrease
your sex drive.
MUSIC slows dramatically. PEOPLE
have stopped and are openly staring.
GIRL whirls about dramatically through the street. She sees a sign that says “Arrested
Development” adorning a building’s door and squeals with delight. A trolley with a tour guide and a dozen
tourists can be seen approaching.
GIRL
So listen up mi hermano / We’re
almost at the Final Countdown / Of this song.
BOY
Thank goodness…
GIRL
We’ve learned quite a lot / A normal family, they are not / Oh wait, I
forgot to mention Annyong.
BOY
Who?
Two MEN walk behind GIRL carrying a backdrop of the “Hollywood”
sign. GIRL clasps hands and continues to
sing. An Asian TOURIST on the trolley snaps
a picture of her.
GIRL
So whenever you’re feeling down / Put your glasses on and hair back
down / ‘Cause the show is back; it won’t be long!
GIRL and BOY walk through the Arrested Development door as she
sings, toward the sound of voices that seem to be coming from ahead and to
their left. A SECURITY GUARD is behind a
desk on their right, eyes closed and head slumped down. They turn the corner and ahead, the Arrested
Development CAST is gathered on the sound stage of Lucille’s apartment,
clearly in the middle of shooting a scene.
The MUSIC takes on a “grand finale” feel, like what a chorus line might
do at the end of a performance.
BOY
(nervously
hissing)
I don’t think we’re
supposed to be here… where are you going?
Get back here!
GIRL
Because with Arrested Development / Oh, your life will ne’er be
malcontent…
There is a CLOSE UP of GIRL as she continues walking. She flings her hands wide out, knocking over
a set lamp. It crashes to the ground but
she seems oblivious.
GIRL
(CONT’D)
(holding
out each word)
And you can’t go wrong!
MUSIC ends with a bang. GIRL is
breathless, standing with hands in the air, exultant at her finale.
GIRL
(CONT’D)
(excitedly,
to BOY)
So what do you think
of my song? I spent the whole last month
working on it! Do you think they’ll like
it?
BOY
Um, why don’t you
ask them….
The camera PANS OUT to reveal that GIRL has actually walked onto the
sound stage, with the CAST and PRODUCER surrounding her. They are stunned, some with mouths agape and
others with eyebrows raised. Filming has clearly come to a screeching
halt. Silence hangs in the air. Finally, an angry voice breaks the silence.
PRODUCER
What the – who
are you?
GIRL
I’m here for the walk-ons!
PRODUCER
The walk-ons? Are you kidding me? We’re not filming those scenes until
November! How did you even get in here?
PRODUCER angrily looks
around and nods to SECURITY GUARD #2 in the corner.
GIRL
(still
smiling)
I just wanted to
show my brother how amazing this show is!
Hey everyone!
GIRL waves brightly at the CAST.
They are not amused. BOY tries to
duck behind a camera.
GIRL
I wrote a song for
my contest entry! Would you like me to
start from the beginning?
PRODUCER
From the beg –
no! Listen, did you even read the
contest rules?
GIRL
(speaking)
Of
course. It was all, be creative, can’t
be a professional actor, blah blah blah, that kind of thing.
NARRATOR
V.O.
Well,
there was a little more to it than that.
PRODUCER
Maybe
you should read this.
PRODUCER walks over to a
table and picks up a piece of paper covered in small font from a large stack in
the middle, the word “Contest” visible in the heading of the paper. He hands it to GIRL.
PRODUCER
(CONT’D)
It says you can’t use music in your entry. Right here.
GIRL
What? Let me see that.
GIRL takes paper and reads
intently. BOY looks around, trying to
avoid eye contact. SECURITY GUARD #2 is now
visible in the frame, just behind GIRL, his eyes narrowed and arms crossed. GIRL looks up at PRODUCER, eyes wide.
GIRL
(CONT’D)
I’ve made a huge mistake.
Music ends on a peppy, upbeat
note.
CUT TO BLACK.
FADE IN.
INT. – KITCHEN - AFTERNOON
The musical theme reenters
the background. GIRL sits at a kitchen
table, alternately beaming at thoughts popping into her head and biting her lip
while scribbling furiously in a composition book.
NARRATOR
V.O.
On
the next “Musical Entry,” a California girl writes a song for a walk-on on the
new season of a show about four old women in Miami.
EXT.
CITY ROAD
BOY is sitting in his car, on
the side of the road, ostensibly having been pulled over for speeding. A different POLICE OFFICER is finishing
writing a ticket. BOY looks desperate.
NARRATOR
V.O. (CONT'D)
And
her brother learns that not everyone has the same appreciation for George
Michael.
BOY
(to
POLICE OFFICER)
Hey, ever listen to George Michael?
POLICE OFFICER is stone
faced. He hands the ticket to BOY and
walks toward his police car. BOY calls
out through the open window over his shoulder.
BOY
I
mean, he is something special. What a
singer, huh? Am I right? Am I right?
POLICE OFFICER reaches for
the police car’s door handle. BOY looks at ticket in dismay.
BOY
Um,
marry me!
POLICE OFFICER’s eyes narrow
and he starts walking back toward BOY, whose eyes widen.
POLICE
OFFICER
What did you just say to me?
BOY
Er, nothing!
Have a great day, Officer!
BOY hastily puts his car into
drive and smacks his steering wheel.
BOY
How did that not work? Oh, come on!
MUSIC ends.
CUT TO BLACK.
